


the wind at my bake, and the baguette at my side

by eternalmagic



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Gen, flavia and basilio are sue and mel, the great british bake off AU, this is cursed im sorry, this started as plain crack but is developing into something not so crack, vague mentions of stahl/sumia/gaius ot3, yenfay and emm are paul and mary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-05-05 01:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14606298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalmagic/pseuds/eternalmagic
Summary: The camera zooms in on Robin as they focus on the dough in their hands."Decisions, decisions," They mumble, "All of them wrong."[ a very cracky great british bake off au. ]





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is incredibly cursed and im sorry. i am also working on the rest of part 2 now, but it might be a while before it goes up! (title is a baking pun version of chrom's "the wind at my back and the sword at my side" line in his s support. as if most of you don't know that already)

WEEK ONE - CAKE

The contestants are thirty minutes into their signature bake for week one, and already, tensions are high.

The camera holds on Chrom at the back of the tent as he nervously waits for his cakes to bake. Absentmindedly he picks up an orange and takes a large bite of it as one would an apple. He chews for one moment, for two, and it seems as though he hasn’t even realized he didn’t peel the orange. But then his face contorts, his nose wrinkling as he looks down at the fruit in his hand. His eyes go wide, and he hurriedly tries to hide the evidence in the trash, spitting out his bite immediately after. Then he straightens, and tries to pretend nothing happened.

The camera turns to see Gaius watching Chrom with a horrified expression on his face. The ginger turns to the camera.

“Please tell me you got that on film,” He whispers, “Because I feel like I just hallucinated it.”

   


“So,” Emmeryn says as she and Yen’fay reach Henry’s station, “What are you baking for us today?”

“A red velvet cake!” He proclaims proudly, setting down the cake pan. “I just love how red it is.”

Yen’fay spots a small bottle of red liquid on the counter and picks it up. “This must be your food coloring then. It’s awfully thick, I hope you didn’t put too much in.”

Henry doesn’t respond more than just grinning.

“...It really _is_ thick for red food coloring.” Emmeryn comments, blinking. “It actually looks a little like blood.”

Henry’s smile grows wider. The moment the judges notice it, they both blink in shock. A moment later, they’re hurriedly walking away from Henry’s table with vaguely worried looks on their faces.

Basilio leans over and stage whispers, “You aren't actually using blood, are you?”

“Not this time, no.”

   


For the technical challenge, each contestant is given Emmeryn’s recipe for a standard black forest cake. Some of the contestants take to it easily, but others have questions.

“I’ve never really understood _why_ it’s called a black forest cake?” Stahl asks, glancing up at the camera as he folds together his icing. “I mean, we don’t have any black forests in Ylisse, do we? And it’s not like we’re putting actual leaves into the cake…” He shrugs and makes a small ‘I don’t know’ sound. "I mean, making a cake with tea leaves in it sounds delicious, but that's not what I meant. It's still a little weird. I wonder where the name came from."

“Actually,” Comes from one side, and the camera turns to find Cordelia at the station in front of Stahl’s. She turns, still mixing her filling. “It’s called _black forest_ due to the special liquor that was baked into the cake. It was a liquor from a region that once had the name Black Forest, and it’s distilled from cherries, which are also used--”

The camera turns back to Stahl to film his reaction--he just stares directly into the camera, mouth hanging open as if he can’t think of anything else to say to the history lesson he’s getting.

 

The second day of baking--and the showstopper challenge--finds one contestant being left in the dust.

“What all is happening over here?” Flavia asks, leaning over Vaike’s station to see what’s at the center of the floury mess.

“Uh.” Vaike starts, eyes wandering across his work bench. “I have a lot going on? I’m making the ganache for the filling, and then I need to make the frosting--”

“Okay.” Flavia nods. “And have you started baking any of your cupcakes yet?”

“Uh--yes.”  Vaike leans over to look at the oven. “I have my third and final batch baking right now.”

Flavia points to a cupcake that’s been put off to the side. “What’s wrong with this one?”

“It’s too lumpy.”

“You mind if I try it then?”

Vaike shrugs. “Go for it.”

Flavia nods, peeling off the paper wrapping. She takes a good size bite, chewing thoughtfully for a moment. Then, her brows furrow together.

“Vaike, dear--”

“What?”

“This isn’t very sweet.” Flavia holds out the cupcake, looking disgusted. “In fact, this tastes very salty.”

Vaike takes the offending baked good as Flavia rushes to the trash can, sniffing and then testing it. He instantly makes a face.

He shouts out a curse, hurriedly tossing the cupcake into the bin. He tests a tiny bit of the batter too, quickly repeating himself even louder than before. Half of the tent has turned his way by now, watching as Vaike lays down on the ground and yells into the rug.

( Because he refuses to present his showstopper to the judges, he is sent home. )

 

 

WEEK TWO - BISCUITS

Quiet has descended over the tent as the savory biscuits signature challenge gets under way.

From across the tent comes a triumphant laugh, and the camera shoots up just in time to see Robin pumping their first in the air.

“I have a plan!” They shout, beaming.

“At least _one_ of us does.” Comes from the back corner of the room. Since he’s the only one back there, Kellam seems to have been forgotten in most of the rush at the start of the challenge.

   


“I have faith that if they follow the recipe, they’ll be able to make perfect checkerboard biscuits.” Yen’fay says solemnly, nodding once.

Inside the tent, things aren’t going so well.

“I messed up on my checkerboard pattern.” Frederick mumbles, staring down at the biscuit dough on the table, and the full tray he has of cut out dough. He glances between the two, as if deciding if it’s worth the trouble of restarting from the beginning.

“Everything alright, dear?” Maribelle, at the station behind him, seems to have noticed that he’s paused.

Frederick turns to her, pursing his lips. “My pattern is wrong.”

Maribelle pauses. “Oh, no.”

“Do you think I have time to restart?”

Maribelle thinks for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. Why not just take a knife and cut out the wrong pieces? You could put them into place and no one would know.”

Flavia, standing behind Maribelle, looks directly into the camera and mouths, ‘I definitely know!’

Frederick is quiet for a moment, before nodding. “That’s a good idea. Thank you, Maribelle.”

The blonde woman nods primly, turning back to her work. Frederick promptly pulls out the largest knife he can and bends down to peer directly at the dough at eye level as he cuts into it.

   


The camera isn't fast enough to catch her falling, but still catches Sumia getting up from the ground, some of her biscuits having toppled from her station due to her fall. Everyone's stopped in what they're doing, turning to see what's going on.

Gaius, because his station is closest, is the first to reach her and help Sumia to her feet. "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah--I'm just really clumsy is all." Sumia is tomato red in the face, unable to meet his eyes.

"That's okay. You think your box will be okay?"

"I think so...I have extra biscuits I can use, so the broken ones I can throw away."

Gaius nods, patting the top of her head. "Alright then, Stumbles. Be careful from now on."

Sumia watches him as he walks off, eyes widening. "O-Oh! I will, don't worry!"

As the two part, the camera catches on Robin squinting at them in the background.

   


“You know,” Chrom says, sighing. “I’m just glad I made it to week two?”

The second day of baking has come to an end, and sadly, the contestants have had to say goodbye to Chrom.

“I mean, I’m not the best baker out there so I knew I wouldn’t win, but I was really glad I made it past week one.” He rubs the back of his head. “Kinda wish my biscuit box hadn’t imploded, but honestly I really had no chance if I didn’t have Robin helping me with designing it. They definitely deserved getting star baker this week for their final bake alone.”

Something seems to dawn on him. His eyes go wide and he stares into the middle distance for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Man, I really was doomed from the start.” He mumbles.

 

 

WEEK THREE - SAVORY

“Have I made these before?” Cherche asks as she kneads the dough for her signature savory parcels. “Oh, yes, lots of times. The gentleman I work for loves them, actually! So I have a lot of experience making them.”

Not everyone has as much experience with their savory parcels.

“I sort of came up with the recipe this week?” Sumia smiles nervously, glancing up from where she’s cooking her meat and vegetables. “I’m usually the type to kind of just throw things together! I know Yen’fay and Emmeryn both think that’s a bit risky, but that’s the best part about cooking things like this, isn’t it? It still makes you nervous, though, not knowing if the judges will like it. Worrying that they’re talking about how you’ll fail.”

As if to prove her point, the camera turns to focus on the two judges where they stand on the opposite side of the tent, who are watching her and whispering to each other.

“Oh, gods, they’re talking about me, aren’t they?” Sumia asks Basilio as he passes her table, turning red in the face.

The large man blinks, glancing back at the judges before turning back to Sumia.

“I mean, probably?”

Sumia whines pitifully, hiding her face in her hands.

   


Flavia stops dead in her tracks just after announcing the halfway point of the focaccia technical bake, frowning.

“Where’s Gaius?” She asks, to which she gets a handful of shrugs.

A head of ginger hair peaks up from behind a baking station. “I’m here.”

Flavia walks over and finds Gaius sitting on the floor in front of his oven, shuffling a deck of playing cards in his hands.

“You about to open a casino down there?’ Flavia says, trying to hide her laughter.

Gaius shrugs. “I mean, maybe.” He sits up enough to peek up at Robin at the station behind him. “Yo Bubbles, you up for some poker?”

Robin purses their lips at Gaius, barely looking up from their own bake.

Gaius shrugs, turning back to Flavia. “Guess it’s just us. But I only have chocolate coins to bet, is that okay?”

Flavia eagerly sits down, rubbing her hands together. “Looks like I’m about to wipe the floor with you.”

Across the room, Stahl’s voice rings out. “How do you even have time to play cards at a time like this?” The camera pans over to find Stahl’s slightly panicked face.

Gaius only laughs, shaking his head.

   


Frederick frowns at the fridge, where he had been keeping the venison for his exotic game pie. Apparently, he isn’t seeing it on the shelf he left it on. He finally closes the door, turning to the tent.

“Has anyone seen my venison?”

No one has, given by the looks on almost everyone’s faces. Frederick seems as unperturbed as always, in spite of the sticky situation he’s found himself in.

Everyone moves on with their own bakes. Well, except for Henry, who goes very still at the front of the tent. After a moment, he turns around, laughing quietly.

“Freddie?”

Frederick purses his lips at the nickname, but gives Henry his attention.

“I, uh. Think I might have confused your meat for mine!” He beams in an attempt to be good-natured about it all. “I haven’t done anything more than cook it and season it a little, so you can still have it back if you want!”

“...I appreciate you saying something, but it might be a bit late for that.”

“Oh. Sorry!” Henry’s laugh is still a bit nervous. “The meat I would have been using is probably still in the fridge, that way you’ve got something to work with. It really was an accident--I think I was just on autopilot or something and grabbed your stuff by mistake.”

“It’s alright. But, if you don’t mind…”

Frederick does take the mystery meat from the fridge and begins to prepare it. Some time later, as he’s adding it to the rabbit meat he’d already had, Flavia and Basilio join him at his baking station.

“So, what kind of meat is this?” Flavia asks, leaning over to study it.

“Does it matter? Meat is meat!” Basilio waves a hand.

Frederick, however, pauses. “I...don’t know, actually.” He looks up. “Henry?”

“Yes, Freddie?” The white-haired baker responds, not looking up from where he’s filling his pie crust.

“What kind of meat is this, exactly? I don’t think I asked before.”

Henry pauses, turning to Frederick. Suddenly he beams, smile stretching from ear to ear. “Oh, well it’s bear meat!”

The camera whips around to catch the horrified expression on Frederick’s face, his whole body frozen stiff at the revelation. Basilio and Flavia stand on each side of him, both staring wide eyed as Henry starts cackling.

( Sadly, the bear meat ruins Frederick’s pie--it leaks a _truly_ impressive amount of fluid, the inside of the crust is practically raw, and it tastes distinctly of nothing, no matter how much seasoning he’d put it. His pie does not make the cut for this week. )


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has gotten not quite so cracky now, unsurprisingly for me. i also wanted to change what gets posted when, so this chapter is a little shorter, but i've added an additional chapter to cover everything. i'm trying to keep this kind of short, since it started off as a bit of a joke/parody, so i should have more up soon. look forward to the next update, and enjoy!

WEEK FOUR - BREAD

“The quick bread went well, at least.” Stahl says, biting his nail nervously. The entire tent is waiting on the dough for their challah loaves--the subject of this week’s technical--to prove. “I was actually really worried that mine wouldn’t rise, since I messed up a little on how much baking soda I put in it.”

“It looked delicious, though.” Sumia leans forward on her table, smiling widely. “I’m not usually one for savory dishes but I do love cheese! I meant to ask you for a piece after we finished that bake this morning.”

Stahl blinks, surprise written all over his face. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah!” Sumia beams. “Maybe we can trade recipes?”

Stahl turns pink in the face. “Uh, sure?”

The camera catches Robin in the background, watching them closely.

 

“I sense a crush.” Robin says, looking into the camera. “But it might be more complicated than just that--I can sense something between not only Sumia and Stahl, but maybe also something between Sumia and Gaius. But! I’ve been told I’m quite the matchmaker. So we’ll see if I can’t make something work for them while I’m here.”

 

Flavia and Basilio watch in surprise as Maribelle slams her dough down onto the table, eyes going wide.

“My gods, you’re really giving that stuff a beating!” Basilio stares at Maribelle, almost looking afraid of her. “Do you always do this when you knead bread?”

“Oh, yes, all the time. I get better bread that way.” Maribelle slams the dough down again, before pressing her hands into it. “Nothing works better.”

“And you’ve got the muscles to prove it.” Basilio mumbles.

“My gods, he’s right.” Flavia says, clearly in awe. “You’ve got the face of a wood nymph and the body of Walhart the Conqueror.”

From behind her, Henry bursts into laughter. He laughs so hard that he doubles over, abandoning his own bread dough for a little while.

 

Henry's usually sunny smile is gone for several moments as he thinks, before he just shrugs and sighs. He unfortunately did not do well enough to move on in the competition, though this is the first he's showing how upset he is about it.

"I had a really shitty weekend." He says. "But that's okay--it happens, you know? Sometimes you just have to take it in stride. And then you'll do better next time." His smile is slowly coming back now, growing wider as he speaks. "I met some truly wonderful people, and I had plenty of good laughs, especially this weekend. The most important part is having fun anyway. So I guess that's something."

The camera cuts to Sumia hugging him tightly as she tries to stop crying, Stahl ruffling his hair some.

"Yeah. I still had fun."

 

 

WEEK FIVE - PIES AND TARTS

“I hate mince pies.” Cordelia grumbles, taking her frustration out on her pie crust.

Two weeks earlier, during the game pie showstopper, Cordelia had narrowly escaped being sent home due to a bland taste and a soggy bottom to her pie. She seems to be doing well, though, determined to do well this time with pies.

The camera cuts to Cherche, who had the best game pie during Savory week.

“I love mince pies!” She beams. She pauses in her dough rolling to rest her hands on the edge of her station. “My boss likes them, too--he likes just about everything I bake. Half of the time I’m worried it’s just flirting, but...well, it’s a nice confidence boost. So I think I’ll be okay?”

She smiles nervously and crosses her fingers on both hands.

 

The custard tarts that are the focus of the technical challenge seem to be one of the most challenging tasks of the competition so far for most of the bakers.

Maribelle, who has almost always been calm under pressure, has found her custard turning to scrambled eggs. She’s already remade everything once, and has found she doesn’t have enough time to try for a third time. The camera catches her trying to discreetly hide her tears--before Flavia and Basilio (as well as Cordelia and Sumia) come by to comfort her, and let out some foul language to ruin the footage.

Stahl also seems to be having a bit of difficulty, but he’s also kept on a brave face. The delicate tarts seem to crumble in his shaky hands, but when Gaius comes up to help, the brunette only laughs softly, face red with embarrassment. The camera not only catches the two helping one another, but Robin squinting at them in the background, pausing in decorating their own tarts.

Gaius actually seems to be the only one to have their tarts come out perfectly. The camera comes in close to his station. He peers at the camera, smiling faintly and winking.

“My secret?” He whispers, as if he’s conspiring with the camera, “I make these all the time.”

 

Kellam, in the far back of the room, manages to steal away the first place spot in this week’s technical challenge to everyone’s surprise--including his own.

 

Poor Maribelle seems to be having a very difficult weekend.

In addition to her poor custard tarts during the technical bake, her peach and strawberry showstopper pie was under baked and revealed a soggy bottom to the crust. She has not fallen to tears just yet, but it seems like she may be close as everyone lines up to hear the final verdict for this week.

Yen’fay and Emmeryn have chosen Kellam as this week’s star baker for his perfect custard tarts and wonderful mince pie. A round of applause erupts through the tent, including a few cheers from the other men, before it eventually quiets down.

“I have the _terrible_ job this week.” Flavia eventually says, brows drawing together. “As you all know, we will not be able to continue on with everyone--and I’m left with the task of forcing us to say goodbye.”

The camera turns to Maribelle, who has bowed her head. Cherche, who’s sitting next to her, is holding the blonde’s hand tightly.

“And this tent,” Flavia continues, “Will not have nearly as much poise and attention to detail without her.” She smiles sadly, already stepping forward. “I’m really, _really_ sorry, Miss Maribelle.”

The blonde is almost immediately pulled into Flavia’s arms, and Maribelle clutches at the back of Flavia’s button up. Cherche and Cordelia follow close behind, and the tent is filled with teary goodbyes.

As the camera follows Maribelle’s goodbyes with the other bakers and the judges, her voiceover comes on. “I feel awful. I know I’m a better baker than that. But I did the best I could with what I had.”

 

After the weeks’ credits have passed, the camera cuts to Sumia, standing in a field a short distance from the tent. She was also the victim to a poor baking weekend, and had it not been for Maribelle’s showstopper, she might have gone home herself.

She swipes at her eyes. “I hate that Maribelle is leaving--she’s a _much_ better baker than I am, than so many of us are. I just...it’s going to be really different without her. She and Gaius and Stahl are the ones who’ve been helping me the most in there when I get overwhelmed.”

She shakes her head, as if trying to calm herself. She gently smacks her cheeks before balling her hands into fists. “C’mon, Sumia! Don’t be so down! You can do this!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please forgive the lateness of this update! life has been....very weird for me lately. i've been able to write some things and not others, and i'm not sure why but it took my ten thousand years to write more of this.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!!

WEEK SIX - PATISSERIE

“You’d think,” Cordelia begins, “That this would be going better for me.”

She’s bent over her workstation, trying to tap any extra air out of her signature macarons. This is her second tray of macarons; the first sit to the side, having come out of the oven looking not like they’re supposed to.

“I’m wondering if the batter isn’t the correct smoothness.” She murmurs to herself. She stands up straight and sets her hands on her hips.

Around her, everyone seems to be particularly focused--except for Sumia, whose pink rose macarons have finished cooling.

“Stahl!” The brunette stage whispers at the man standing in front of her. When Stahl turns and makes a quiet noise, she gestures for him to come closer. When he does, she holds up a pair of macarons to each of his cheeks.

“Wha--” He huffs out a laugh.

“You’re blushing!” Sumia beams and giggles.

“Oh my god, that’s cute.” Gaius shouts from across the tent.

Stahl turns a furious red color, hurriedly turning back to his station--but not without shooting a shy smile to both Sumia and Gaius.

  
  


“These are quite delicious, actually.” Emmeryn murmurs, closing her eyes as she savors one of Cherche’s macarons. She falls silent, smile soft on her face.

Yen’fay silently reaches forward and offers his hand for a shake. Cherche’s jaw drops, and she smiles from ear to ear as she shakes his hand. As the judges wander off to the next baker, Cherche eagerly shoots a thumbs up to Flavia and Basilio, who return the gesture just as enthusiastically.

  
  


Apparently, none of the bakers have heard of or seen this week’s technical bake, the palmier. Not even Gaius, who seems to be the most well-versed in baked goods.

“Do you have any ideas?” Kellam hisses at Cordelia.

She only shakes her head.

The camera zooms in on Robin as they focus on the dough in their hands.

"Decisions, decisions," They mumble, "All of them wrong."

   
  


“The recipe says…” Stahl frowns. “‘Shape appropriately.’” He turns back to the camera. “What the  _ hell _ does that mean?”

  
  


Cordelia purses her lips as she begins to fill and ice her showstopper eclairs--she seems incredibly focused on her task, especially as she’s accidentally crushed two in her hands as they’ve started to shake wildly.

Just as she’s setting down the one she just decorated, her hand trembles and she loses her grip on the eclair. It tumbles to the floor, its baker stepping away from her bench to collect herself.

In an instant, Sumia and Robin--two of the closest bakers, aside from Kellam who’s across the tent grabbing another baking sheet--are at her side, quietly giving her encouragement and offering to assist. After a moment it appears as though she accepts their help, and as both are finished aside from plating they can take their time.

Unfortunately, she does not meet the required count of eclairs, and her presentation is not up to her usual standards. Cordelia takes her elimination from the competition with a smile, though she cannot hide her tears as she fiercely hugs Sumia--her closest friend out of the present bakers.

 

 

WEEK SEVEN - BREAKFAST

Robin settles back, one hand on their hip and the other holding a spatula in one hand. “How does someone have  _ signature _ pancakes, though? That seems a bit silly. Pancakes are pancakes! What else do you need on them other than syrup and butter?”

“Or jam!” Gaius chimes in.

Robin gestures. “See! He gets it!”

  
  


“They’re burned.” Basilio grumbles.

“Yes, they’re burned.” Yen’fay agrees.

“They’re burned?” Kellam says, surprised.

“Yes, burned.” Emmeryn nods.

“...Huh.” Kellam says quietly.

  
  


“You’ve never had an eggs benedict?” Basilio says, clearly surprised.

Robin shakes their head. “No. At least, not as far as I can remember.”

“Not even in your childhood?”

“I don’t remember my childhood.”

Basilio blinks.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, I don’t remember it.” Robin turns back to their eggs. “I don’t remember anything past two years ago. Did you know Chrom and he and Emmeryn’s sister Lissa found me passed out in a field?”

Basilio’s jaw drops open.

From a few benches away, Stahl says, “Oh, that’s all kinds of messed up.”

Gaius winces. “Robin, we don’t have the time to unpack  _ all _ of that.”

Basilio stands there for another five minutes, apparently trying to process this information.

  
  


Kellam drops his dish for his show-stopping savory breakfast casserole and shatters the glass all across the floor just as time runs out. Everyone in the tent helps him clean up, and he bows out of the competition gracefully.

Cherche, who had been the first to finish each of her bakes this week, is once again crowned star baker.

“I cook a lot for my boss.” She says after the judges have given their verdict. “He really likes breakfast foods, so I think I really hit my stride here this week. Here’s hoping for more until the final?”

She beams, crossing her fingers hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, you can find me on tumblr at x-eternalmagic or howdomaddie, and on twitter as @howdomaddie!

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr at x-eternalmagic or howdomaddie, and on twitter as @howdomaddie!


End file.
